Looking back on my younger years, if someone had asked me whether I’d ever struggle to make friends, my answer would probably have been no. I’m sociable, will talk to just about anyone (unless it’s giving creepy vibes), and I’d like to think I am open to new ideas, opinions and challenging conversation. I have also been known to make people laugh on occasion, so why is it the minute you hit a certain age bracket, making sustainable, meaningful friendships becomes a daunting task?!
I feel as though this isn’t really talked about enough. The loneliness you can feel even when you have friends is very real. Feeling as though you’re falling behind because you may not see your friendship circle all the time is also very real. You may spend weekends alone; sometimes because you don’t have anyone to hang with, but also because you’re still in the process of building new friendships and are still a little unsure about how comfortable you feel reaching out to those new people in your life – because no one wants to feel like a nuisance.
I’ve started this by sounding as though I’m billy no mates – that isn’t the case at all. I have the most caring, crazy, loving and loyal friends a girl could ask for (ya know who you are!), but they are also scattered around the UK and other parts of the world, which means the time I get with them is often rare and fleeting, but precious.
Having recently returned to my hometown of Leeds for the first time since leaving at 18, I’m having to start again. Those I knew from school have formed their own families and directions, and coming back into the fold after years away isn’t as straightforward as you would think.
In the past, I thought admitting to feeling lonely, or being alone, was a sign of weakness, or I thought it meant there was something wrong with me, but having spent a lot of my life doing things alone and solo, I’ve come to realise that having the ability to sit with your own company, hearing the silence around you, having the freedom to do what you want without others’ eyes upon you, is exceptionally freeing. Meaningful bonds take time to form, and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt as I’ve got older, is that it’s good to be picky. You want friends and acquaintances that enhance your life not add unnecessary drama, you want to genuinely enjoy their company rather than just tolerating because you’re scared to be alone.
It took me a while to understand that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, and the former, I think, is a skill we should all try and be more comfortable with. Sometimes it’s perfectly fine to not be surrounded by people every weekend, it’s okay to have a one woman disco, with 90’s RnB blaring as you dance around with your favourite tipple in hand.
Since being back in Leeds I’ve met some lovely, like minded ladies through a network I found via Instagram. Having done a couple of meet up’s, it was apparent we all had the same thoughts when signing up to the group…will this be a place full of weirdo’s?? (without sounding too judgemental), but the reality was that we were all women of a similar age, career focused, with already established friendships, but for one reason or another we have all found ourselves in a place where we are just at a different stage in our lives, whether that be because our long standing pals are now married with children, we have moved for career purposes, we have gone through break-ups we weren’t expecting, or just simply fancied a change of scenery, but we have all found ourselves having to delve back into the world of friend speed-dating!
It can be scary putting yourself out there, in all aspects, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Step out of your comfort zone and sign up to the hobby you’ve always wanted to explore. Join that women’s network you found on social media, or just take yourself on the solo cinema date!
Forming adult friendships is hard as hell, but things worth having don’t come easy. My circle is small, and I’m okay with that. I’m learning to be patient and not be so hard on myself because I don’t have a social calendar full to the brim. They may be scattered far and wide, but the friends I do have are one in a million.
Love, G x
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