Friendships – the real Soulmates

Hello, me again!

It’s been a little while since my last post, admittedly I’ve had a bit of a block when deciding what I wanted to write about. I lost my momentum, my head just hasn’t been in it and I’ve been working on getting myself back to a better place mentally. Which got me thinking about the topic of this post…

My first write up was discussing adult friendships and the difficulties that come with those, and why making new friends as an adult can be a minefield. And this one is about how special it is when you find the right ones.

I’d say my first, important friendships were formed in high school, and this may have been the case for you too. This time in my life wasn’t always an easy ride, but a girl group, made up of different personalities and quirks took me under their wing and I finally felt accepted. We took each other for who we were and among this an unlikely friendship began with one girl in particular, and to this day we are still best friends, almost 20 years later. I’ve lived in a fair few places over the years, but I have always known this friendship has never faltered. We grew up together, been there for each other’s bad decisions, been honest with one another, and I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her become a mother and was maid of honour at her wedding. Months can go by without a proper chat, but no matter what, we are always at the end of the phone for each other.

I can say with certainty this applies to all the friends in my life, some I’ve known months, some I’ve known years, but they have each shown up for me when I’ve needed them. I’ve never been one to have a huge friendship group, but I like it that way. They are dotted all over the world and each of them represent a significant time in my life, which I think adds to their importance to me. They may not all live around the corner, and it’s often months and sometimes years that can go by before I see some of them, but this doesn’t diminish the importance of our friendships. They’ve all seen me at my worst, and have chosen to stick around anyway. I think this is the beauty of a friendship. Of course your romantic partner should see you for who you really are, but sometimes the pressure of maintaining an image they still find appealing makes it harder to reveal parts of yourself over fear of rejection. I’ve found this is different with friends, you don’t necessarily care as much what bad habits they see, or worry about not having a perfect face or ugly crying in front of them. It’s a filter free space, which is why sometimes your friends know things about you a partner may never.

Life gets in the way as we get older, priorities change, we get taken in different directions, marriages happen, children appear, careers change, and sometimes you just don’t have time for anything other than putting one foot in front of the other. In these times you need no judgements or pressure. As a kid, it was a big deal if your friend cancelled on you or became distant, I felt it was anyway. I took it as a sign they didn’t want to be friends anymore or they’d got bored of hanging out with me. The majority of the time this wasn’t the case, but sometimes it was, and boy was this the worst thing ever at the time. But now, as an adult, I’ve come to realise that not everyone is compatible, and it’s better to let people go if you don’t bring value to each other’s lives. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that is perfectly okay, not everyone is mine either!

Growing up, I had the privilege of observing true friendships being around my mum and her girlfriends. Most of them met back in her nursing days over 50 years ago, and their bond is still as strong as it ever was. They still make time for one another, they’re hitting the birthday milestones together, have regular ladies lunches (retirement perks!) and they still make each laugh like they did as 20-something’s.

I’ve had a rough couple of months, questioned my self-worth, struggled to smile and had that 30’s panic of where the hell I’m going…and it’s been my friends who have held me up, told me the tough home truths, listened to me while I’ve sounded like a broken record, and made me belly laugh until I cried. I couldn’t be more grateful for each and every one of them. I guess this is an open letter to say thank you to my humans. I hope I am still sharing memorable moments with them all, and supporting each other’s ups and downs well into our old age.

Society I’d say puts a lot of focus on finding romantic love, creating families and having that happily ever after with “The One”, but what if your soulmate is already there? To quote Carrie Bradshaw… “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates, and guys are just people to have fun with”. I think I’ll live by that one for many years to come.

Love, G x